Ready or Not

I think perhaps everyone is experiencing a bit of separation anxiety. I don't know. There is a strange energy floating around. It's a bit overwhelming right now; we took group photos yesterday, bought shoes for boys today and all the while people are handing us replies to my students letters, and wanting to spend time. There's a tension and I'm trying to just remain calm and upbeat. "When are you coming back?" says countless faces.

The photo session yesterday was awesome, except for the fact that Darren and Kahlil punished me for making them wash clothes by refusing to smile in any of the pictures. Which makes me wish I had had them wash clothes every day. It's ok, I have them smiling in enough other ones. But still, I wonder why they saw this chore as such as source of embarrassment when everyone here has to do it every day. Their American sense of entitlement came out. I just let it be. Maybe they will think about it differently down the road. One thing is for sure, you can't force someone to realize anything. And I also know that they realize more than they admit (as seen in their writing).

Well anyway, I got up early this morning to go get shoes for a group of ten boys (we've been doing this in small groups). They were beaming over piles of shoes and strings of shoes; trying pair after pair on for one that would fit. In the end, they all got a very nice pair of black shoes for school.
Later, I took the four boys out to get books they need and some clothing they need (for example, they each own one pair of socks). I went with one of their supervisors, Harrison. Darren and Kahlil came too. It didn't go exactly as I had imagined. When we ended at the "shopping center" they all got so completely overwhelmed that they practically froze and stopped speaking. Dennis in fact started crying. It was all quite strange and Harrison and I didn't know what to do. In the end we worked it out by reassuring them they had plenty of time to make selections, but it was hard for a while. I didn't mean for them to feel some kind of pressure or stress, but I forgot that this was no ordinary experience for them. They don't go shopping once a month or even once a year. It was good for Darren and Kahlil to see.

Ironically, the one place we had an easy time buying things was the bookshop.

Some things I am proud of the boys for:
Neither of them have complained about a lack of TV, soda or french fries; despite the fact that in many conversations before we left, these things were a major concern. "I can't LIVE WITHOUT TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" YES YOU CAN.

Despite the fact that Darren brought his PSP with no games and for the first few days "played it" for some kind of comfort, it became a non-existing object.

I give Kahlil props for trying all the food and liking most of it, even though he didn't eat anything for the first two days and was initially reluctant.

I give Darren props for really trying to play soccer. He's very competitive and hates not being "in the game" or "the best". Yet, I saw him trying something that didn't come easily and that he wasn't all that good at. He fell, and missed, and in the end became part of a team. "Thanks for letting me play".

Both Darren and Kahlil taught their six kids with tremendous patience and humor.

They both learned how to interact with adults they don't know all too well at a dinner table. I think Darren even has the sign of the cross down at this point. :-)

They have both gotten to the point where I know they wanted to lose their temper and could have easily, but they kept it together anyway. If they can do that here, they can do that anywhere. I'm proud of them for that.

I am proud of them for making friends and socializing more than I ever expected despite a real language barrier. Kahlil and Dennis' friendship is pretty awesome; I don't know how much they are actually talking, but they are close. Darren definitely used sports as his means for finding a common language with the boys.

Although we have definitely gotten on each other's nerves over the last fifteen days, at the end of the day I'm proud that we always came back together to write and read. I have loved this time.

We are leaving tomorrow. I wonder what it will be like. I know Darren and Kahlil are sad and don't know really how to process it. I remember last time I was here in 2008, I didn't officially say goodbye to the four boys particularly because I didn't know if I'd ever see them again and I didn't know how to say goodbye; how to just leave. I think Darren and Kahlil are dealing with this right now. I think they are beginning to understand how much these boys have looked forward to these two weeks, and how sad they will be to see us go.

I wonder what Darren and Kahlil will tell their friends about this experience when they go home.
I wonder if they will start having dreams of red earth.
I wonder if they will have any regrets.
I wonder what they will choose to remember and how they will apply what they learned here.

Tomorrow is going to be a LONG day, and I need to pray for patience. We will head to Nairobi in a matatu around noon. Then get picked up there by a taxi. Our flight is not until late at night but I can't take risks with the traffic and potentially anything else. So keep us in your thoughts. I've just bought snacks for the long journey home.

I have been sleeping with my video tapes :-) and can't wait to show you all the pictures.

Darren, Kahlil and I have seen each other fall on the floor laughing, and we've seen each other afraid. We have seen each others tears and heard each other say, "I did it!". Thank you to everyone who helped support this project. Nothing that we have done would've been possible without it. I hope this is just the beginning....

LOVE,
Hannah