high and low

I am sitting in Michael's office writing this. Tears are hitting the
desk top. I just got word that a past co-worker of mine was fatally
hit by a car in Punja. It has been quite sometime since someone I've
known has died a premature or unfair death. I feel sick. We were not
close, but he was a good person.

This news comes on the heels of last night's joy. We had a
celebration of sorts to hand out the t-shirts, pens, revision books
and letters from my Brooklyn students. It was incredible. The
happiness was palpable. Seeing all the kids in our t-shirts, reading
letters together.....and then dancing ....priceless. I don't know if
someone did indeed send Darren and letter of encouragement, but he got
up and danced. I've never seen him so nervous but he was cheered and
ended up doing a duet with an older boy. Later, I had them put on
Empire State of Mind and the THREE of us got up.....and then KAHLIL
danced...which was a pretty big deal. By the end of the night, some of
the kids had already written back to my student on the BACK of their
letter. Such excitement.

I looked over at one point and Darren had Sammy (5 yrs) on his lap and
in his arms. He held him for an hour.

Anyway....I am still crying so I am going to stop writing. It is
almost time for teaching. I can hear the boys' basketball bouncing.

Brother Paul is going to personally drive us to Nairobi (Andy-- he
also know Dennis Lee very well), and we have been invited to stay at
the Brother's house there for the night and Paul will drive us to the
airport tomorrow. I feel incredibly blessed by the generosity and
protection my friends here have shown us.

Love.

Finding our Way

The past two days have been solid.  Darren and Kahlil seem to have gotten over the whole mud thing.  I wake up in the morning and they are making eggs with Jane.  They have been on time for teaching each morning. I told them they could watch a movie Tuesday night alone in the TV room on our compound.   They picked one out and I left them alone to eat popcorn. Before leaving, I told them that the Juniors were also watching a movie in a classroom.  I didn't want to force them to go; the smell of a hundred boys scrunched together in one room trying to watch a tiny television screen can be a bit much.  I can only handle it for twenty minutes. Anyway...I left to go write in my room about twenty minutes later I walked by the TV room and it was empty.  So I took my flashlight and found that they had decided to go be with the boys instead.  :-)

One challenge has been to get Darren and Kahlil to get off the defensive.  Their inclination when people stare, or when people laugh, or most recently when Darren got hit in the face on the basketball court....is to think that it is because someone is out to get them.  "The kid with the stick is NOT going to hit you!"  This is further complicated by the fact that  often when they ask a question, they assume it is understood because the person on the other side is smiling or says "yes".  This can easily turn into a hot mess.  But, fortunately some of the secondary school boys, and especially JUMA (one of the older boys at the Rescue Center) rushes in at such moments to mediate/ translate.  I watch them work it out and I'm grateful. I know Darren and Kahlil are realizing that they are surrounded by people who would jump in front of a vehicle for them or give their dinner up for them...but it does require a mentality adjustment. Making eye contact, smiling, saying good morning to everyone, trusting a stranger....these are new expectations.  It just get easier and easier though, and it's beautiful to witness. 

Last night it was Brother Peter's birthday and we had a wonderful celebration...complete with a delicious cake.  I ate three pieces. Three.  A giant grasshopper was on the wall by our table.  After Kahlil and Darren had left, Kahlil returned a few minutes later "to check if his grasshopper was still there" and Darren returned a few minutes later to ask when we were going to read. 

After they played for a while, we met up as usual for reading and writing time.  Darren ate an orange and made the announcement- " there should be a warning on these oranges-- Do not open without goggles".   And when I asked Kahlil where his shirt was, he told me he had given it away to Dennis. 

It's funny because Darren and Kahlil don't like people staring at them, however today while we were walking in town, they insisted on wearing tank tops while everyone is wearing parkas and winter hats.  Michael said to them-- "now you are attracting attention..." These are battles I'm not fighting...:-)

Yesterday, we went through the slums..particularly to help a family.  One child is actually at St. Mary's Rescue Center.  Where this woman was living was beyond poverty, and I felt extremely overwhelmed trying to think about how best to use the donation.  I was trying my best not to choke crouching on a piece of wood, while smoke from her fire filled the entire space.  Holes in the roof reflected little dabs of light across plastic walls.  When Michael translated for me, she said she wanted the money to be used for her son's education not her.  Darren and Kahlil were clearly uncomfortable and I let them get air in a nearby corn field.   While driving through the slums, Darren and Kahlil started acting up a bit which I know is because it's extremely hard to process what they were seeing.  How do you make sense of the fact that people....just as human as you....are living in inhumane conditions? 

Last night after the birthday celebration, we had a serious debrief on what they had seen.  I think it was extremely important to see where many of the boys from the Rescue Center were rescued from.  It helps to understand why, to the boys, life at the orphanage is such a huge improvement.  Their dorm might smell like urine, but they have beds and blankets and they are safe.

Today we went to visit one of the nearby Primary Schools where Benson, Dennis, Simon and Godfrey attend.  I have to say I was blown away by the condition of the classrooms and overcrowding.  60 students to a class.  It is the best Primary school in the area, but classes of 55 are normal.  Once again, Darren and Kahlil were clearly overwhelmed and a bit uncomfortable but as usual....they got it together and were very friendly and positive.  We stopped by Juma's school too.  He was so proud to show us around.  I know what they saw in the slums and at the schools today will take time to settle. 

Tomorrow we leave for Safari.  Brother Paul who is coming tonight will be giving us a ride back to Anna's.  We leave Saturday morning for Masai Mara.  I'm so excited.  Kahlil and Darren do not want to leave St. Mary's and so we will return Monday night and stay here until it is time to leave instead of spending time in Nairobi.  I'm in agreement that this is the right decision.  I myself am thankful for the safety and guidance the Brothers and Michael offer here in Nyeri. 

Michael is the one who has taken us everywhere, and is purchasing $200 worth of Revision books right now for the boys at the Rescue Center.  He just called me to ask if it'd be all right if he took a taxi back ($1.50) because the books are too heavy for him to carry. He is so incredibly honest and kind....
GOOD PEOPLE!

So tonight we will have more dancing I think (this time with the music I brought) and Michael will present the revision books and give everyone pens. The t-shirts too are about to get out there.

just the beginning

Darren and Kahlil woke me up yesterday morning after nine.  I opened the door to the sound of rain in the background.  "THERE ARE COWS WALKING AROUND!".  I told them I needed coffee before anything else.  Yes there were cows, and before long they were playing soccer around the cows on the field in the mud.  It has been raining quite often and the mud is EVERYWHERE. Darren and Kahlil are right now not pleased at all with the state of their sneakers.  This morning I found them in their room, the entire place covered in mud, as they were trying to clean their shoes with toilet paper...their sink clogged with dirt.  deep breath.  Parents, please email and reassure that you will get them new shoes when they get back.  I don't want them obsessing over their shoes, or worse....not playing because they don't want them to get dirty. Sigh.

We gave Benson, Simon, Godfrey and Dennis (aka "the four boys") each a letter from one of my students in BK.  I don't know if it was hearing the words of my Brooklyn students through the mouths of these Kenyan boys, or if it was the words themselves, or if it was the fact that the four boys read the letters almost perfectly.  Two years ago when I met them, I was teaching them how to sound out letters.  What a testament to hard work, good schooling (after I left in 2008, I insisted they start going to primary school for real nearby), and inspiration (they all want to attend St. Mary's Secondary School which is in the top 25 out of 6,000 schools in Kenya).  I was completely impressed and they were extremely happy with their letters.  Kahlil and Darren showed the faces of the students who had written from pictures I brought.  We haven't officially handed out the t-shirts yet, but the few we have given out have been HUGE hits.  And Mr. Krevsky's stickers-- my God you'd think they were hundred dollar bills.  Interesting though, that the only time I've seen one of them get mean towards one another, was when they were trying to get stickers.  Ugh. Glad we have enough t-shirts for everyone.

(Darren's computer just shut off.....he's furious). Sigh.  So many little things like that happen and I am trying to remind myself to be patient.  We eat with the Brothers every day at their table, which is really quite an honor.  They are very quiet and pensive. I've had to kick the boys under the table a few times :-), but for the most part I think the Brothers are happy to have new people around.  Jane the cook really loves the boys who compliment her egg and cheese sandwiches as often as possible.  

Getting the boys to shower is a bit of a challenge.....they tried to trick me yesterday.  Darren loves that there's a switch for hot water...just like in Karate Kid.  

Despite the fact that I've heard a lot of "no homo" and other such phrases in the past, it's interesting/to see Darren and Kahlil both allowing Simon and Dennis particularly to put their arms around them, touch their face, etc.  I thought for sure that would freak them out, but they seem to understand (without talking about it) that in this place, showing affection towards your "brothers" is accepted...even necessary.  

Watching Darren and Kahlil teach for the first time was amazing.  They took to it immediately.  Kahlil jotted down in his journal how many kids had pencils the size of toothpicks.  For the past two days we've pulled out six Juniors for two on one tutoring.  Using mostly phonics and math flashcards.....it's an extremely cool thing to listen to Darren teaching math tricks, and Kahlil trying to roll his rrrrs so the kids understand him.  "Now this is your homework"  Kahlil says....:-)  Followed by (to me) "I don't know how you teachers do this all day!"  Of course the six boys pulled out are glowing like they won the lottery.  

I gave them their cards from their math teacher Ms. Jones and Kahlil told me he wants his gift of $10 to be given to the four boys at the end of the trip.  Hope that's ok with you Glandy. :-)

We had our first "entertainment celebration" already.  Darren needs some encouragement to show them his dance moves-- I really can't be the one that teaches them how American kids "get lite".  He only got up after I did and then left me out there alone until Juma (very cool older boy that's befriended them) rescued me.  I was a bit disappointed but hopefully he will feel more comfortable next time.

You know I forgot to tell you before that when we first arrived, the buzz amongst the kids was that it wasn't me.  That it was my "younger sister".  LOL.  Yes, they said "you have changed!  You have gotten smaller!"  I don't think this is true, but it was pretty funny.  When Michael Ndungu (he's mostly in charge of the Juniors) saw me, he was laughing so hard.  "I am so relieved!...but yes, I see what they are saying."  I love Micheal-- he's such a wonderful presence at the school and will be the one to arrange all the supplies we want to get for the Juniors.  I sat down with him yesterday, and we plan on buying everyone new shoes (though Darren and Kahlil want to make a special trip with the four boys), revision (text) books, and pens....to start.  

So the boys will continue teaching every morning while we are here.  Tomorrow we will go visit a family in the slums outside of Nyeri town (where most of the orphans are from) with Michael because someone back home specified that their donation go  to a family.  We will see what they need and then return next week with supplies.  This will be a new experience for Darren and Kahlil-- to see this part of Nyeri in the midst of absolute natural beauty.

Thursday, the kids are finally done with their term exams. We will go visit the school where Benson, Godfrey, Simon and Dennis now attend-  Nyamachaki Primary  School. Then BROTHER PAUL arrives to visit us.  He was the head Brother when I was here in '08.  He will also give us a ride to Nairobi Friday afternoon.  We leave for Safari Saturday morning.  Originally, we had planned to spend next week in Nairobi but we've talked about it and the boys and I want to return to St. Mary's instead.  :-)

Last night was a little rough.  Some of the expectations here are very new and I'm definitely having to stop them and remind them.  Also, unfortunately, there is a TV room.  For the most part this has been a non-issue, except that last night I had to explain a second time why I have a key to this room and they don't.  A little frustrating, but again, I have to remind myself that mostly everything here (except for the egg sandwiches) is new.  

 So I said (in my own words) what a friend back home told me to say if such a moment arose-- "Listen...we repping America.....we got to hold this down.."...together. After an hour long conversation about the importance of how we treat each other, we ended up reading six chapters of True Diary and I got an invitation to sleep over.  

What can I say....we have only been here for 2 1/2 days.

I had trouble sleeping last night-- so much I want to do-- so much I want the boys to see.  

I forgot...

Oh and the focus of today's message at church was on the passage that talks about how "if you knock on the door, then door will be opened for you".  Imagine that, and hundreds of boys singing in harmony, with the Serenity Prayer and "God's gift to you is your life, your gift to God is what you make of it" painted on the walls of the assembly hall.

Have I ever been this happy?

Everything has gone about as perfectly as I could've hoped.  The flights were long but the boys never complained.  They slept through the entire second flight.  All our bags arrived and we got to Anna's house around 11:30pm.  The boys had trouble sleeping that night.  New smells, darkness, and unfamiliar territory.  I stayed up with them playing shoots and ladders and then we read a little in our book (The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian).  I didn't sleep at all that night.
In the morning the boys took a shower via a bucket and I made them eggs.  Again, they did not complain.  I had to laugh a little remembering times when Darren bawked about putting up chairs after Advisory. 

When we arrived at St. Mary's yesterday around 1:30pm, it was like we had reached home.  Brother Dominic is now the head brother at St. Mary's-- Brother Paul transferred but is coming to see us on Thursday.  Brother Dominic is from NYC!  The Catholic order is Brother de la Salle.  Their brother schools in NYC are St Peter's in Staten Island, St. Raymond in the Bronx and..............Bishop Loughling in BROOKLYN where both Kahlil's parents graduated from and which is around the corner from my school RELC .  Coincidence?  I don't think so.

So Brother Dominic has us set up beautifully.  The boys have their own room and bathroom (shower with hot water), and I am nearby.  He's cool.

Seeing the boys from the Rescue Center, specifically Benson, Godfrey, Simon and Dennis is competely surreal.  Those four are the ones I worked with the most when I was here in 2008.  It's hard to even express.  They are SO happy, and have completely taken Darren and Kahlil under their wings. They wanted to tell me how well they are doing in school; and we will go with them one day this week so I can speak to their teachers.  They have two more years in primary school and then they hope to attend Secondary School at St. Mary's. 

 Darren played his first soccer game our first day.  Basketball is non-stop- the boys love watching them play. 

The rooster outside Darren and Kahlil's room is a newness, as is the food.  I can't get them to eat anything.  Thank God they prepared hamburgers last night.  This will be a bit of a challenge.  Everything they have tried so far, they have liked...but they are resistant. I made eggs this morning after church which was AMAZING (church I mean, my eggs were not bad).  A huge hall of boys SINGING and DANCING.  There are about 140 boys at the Rescue Center but about 400 at the Secondary School (which for most is a boarding school), so the weekends are FULL of boys. 

We now just walked into town with my six sons :-).  I looked back to see Kahlil laughing with Dennis, and Simon had his arm around Darren.  They haven't stopped smiling, and Kahlil and Darren have been extremely outgoing and friendly.  I can't get over how improved their English is! 

I have started a page in my journal called "Things Darren Says"....
on the plane he asked, "will we be up by the sun?"
on the plane he said, "how about we do a foreign exchange; I give you my fruit for your roll"
Darren calls me a hippie and at one point started singing, "Say it Loud; I'm a hippie and I'm proud."

Certainly there have been some rough moments (mostly due to a lack of technology and soda), but not many.....I'm completely impressed with how Darren and Kahlil have transitioned so far.  Darren in particular seems completely at home, and I know Kahlil just needs a little more time.  My motto has been just not to make things a big deal with them.  To give them space....and lots of affirmation.

Basically, I feel absolutely happy here.  Seeing these kids playing together is priceless, as is their discovery that they have much in common.  We are beginning to think about how we want to help the Juniors (the orphan boys at St. Mary's).  Darren and Kahlil think we need to get them shoes immediately..so that will be fun. Honestly, quite a few are wearing exactly the same clothes I remember them in from 2 years ago). Walking around town, Kahlil got a little mad at people staring at me, but he'll get used to it.

We have not handed out the t-shirts yet....but of course the balls have been a big hit.  
Well, we are off to find Kahlil a mango. 
Tomorrow they can see what the one room school house is like and perhaps try a little teaching.

Peace.

Safari Njema

A YEAR AGO at this time, I was having the reoccurring dream of walking through St. Mary's turquoise gate with Brooklyn students.  Seriously.  In my dream, I couldn't see who they were, but I knew they were from Brooklyn, and I had the same dream over and over.  This led me to send an email to my principal and assistant principal. I knew without their blessing, I wouldn't even consider the idea.  Even though this project is not a "school trip", I needed their support.  They gave it to me immediately.  Then I asked the Brothers at the orphanage what they thought, and they sent me back emails with a resounding YES. When I sat down with Darren and Kahlil's parents, I didn't know what to expect.  After giving as much information as I could, I told them to think about it for two weeks and get back me before the new school year.  In both cases, they said they didn't need time.  When I wrote an email out to my friends and family, and when the parents began fundraising, the task of raising $6,000 seemed enormous.  Yet little by little, people responded with enthusiasm.  Little by little, word spread and people (many who were once strangers) offered to help us get vaccines, Swahili lessons, funding, and supplies.  We ended up with three diant duffel bags stuffed to the brim (in addition to our own bags), all the boy's expenses covered, and $750 to purchase supplies for the boys at the orphanage. It all kind of blows my mind, and is a testament to the idea that when things are right....they work, they happen...people come together.

 

TODAY, our departure day, has finally arrived after a year of planning, and anticipation.  Every step of the way has been met with solid ground and for that reason, I have complete faith that the next 17 days are going to go smoothly. 

 

I feel a healthy bunch of nerves, but my spirit is calm.  The responsibility I feel is great-- I don't know exactly how to mentally prepare for it, except to take each moment as it comes.  I foresee the most challenging part of this experience for me is going to be the next three days. 

 

Although I've planned this trip as carefully as possible, I understand I am in control only to a certain extent.  Darren and Kahlil are going to have their own experiences, and I need to stand back and let them unfold.  For that reason, I know I need to continually remind myself not to say too much, and not to meddle.  My hope is that Darren and Kahlil find patience and strength they don't know exist within themselves.  At the same time, I also recognize that we may have a few "break downs" along that path, and I am prepared for that.  From my own experience, falling apart is part of finding yourself.  I remember the first time I traveled- I was "alone" and there were a few times I broke down completely.  But when I came to the other side of that emotional state, the freedom and power I felt gave me a whole new perspective. New Eyes.

 

We should arrive in Nairobi around 10pm (3pm EST) on FRIDAY.  We'll spend the night at Anna's house and head to Nyeri first thing in the morning. 

 

"I See with New Eyes"....that was something that stuck in my mind when I lived in Ghana for five months in 2003.  I had my headmaster there write it down in Twi.  Me d'ani fofro ahu.  I kept it in my wallet for five years. Then when I was is Kenya, I wrote it down again, this time in Swahili.  Naona na Macho Mapya.  Just like this project, that statement has evolved in meaning, and is bigger now than my own experience. 

 

I'll admit I'm a bit tired.....the last few days my mind has been over-active and I've had trouble sleeping.  But don't get me wrong.....I am beyond excited.  Yesterday, while walking to buy a poncho, I realized I had a huge smile on my face.  It's because tomorrow at 3pm, two worlds will meet face to face, hand to hand....and I simply cannot wait.

 

Let's go.

Love,

Hannah

 

ps.  They probably won't be able to write until Monday, but the boys' blog addreses are

 

Darren  http://omgkenya.blogspot.com/

Kahlil http://isnekahlil.blogspot.com/

 

Keep an eye on us.

Voices from Brooklyn to Kenya

My last day at work was June 28th. I came home with more stuff then usual-- almost 200 t-shirts and all the supplies people had brought in for us. The t-shirts are part of what we called the Brother to Brother project. The idea being that each of the boys at St. Mary's will feel like they got something directly from a student at RELC. They are lightly worn and interesting and I'm hoping I can stuff them all into two duffle bags. Many of my colleagues also brought in everything from flashlights to rain ponchos to Ibuprofen. It means a lot and is a further testament to what can happen when good people come together.

I asked my 84 students to write letters to the boys at St. Mary's. I didn't give them any instructions except to say that the goal of the letters was to make the kids smile. They got to adorn their letters with stickers. I didn't actually get a chance to read the letters until recently. Sitting on the floor of my apartment, it made me stop and recognize that this project has the potential to mean something for more than just Darren and Kahlil, or for the boys at St. Mary's....or for you and I. I had to write down some of the excerpts which I want to share with you.

I am continually impressed by my students here in Brooklyn-- by their own strength and understanding of life albeit only being 12. These letters reaffirm my belief that all people, when given the tools and opportunity would choose to do good and do right for others. So the following are just excerpts from many letters. I told my students that in Kenya, I am known as Hannah not Ms. Kehn.


Ø I've seen your pictures and those pictures are beautiful.
Ø Be strong and believe in yourself, you can make a difference.
Ø I am writing a letter full of joy and smiles
Ø Hannah has told me and the other kids about you!
Ø From what I hear Hannah admires you and I guess she believes you shine like a star, and I think so too.
Ø Make that one special dream into a reality

I wrote you this poem-
To the chrysanthemum
Passionate chrysanthemum
Waving in the grass
The beauty
The smooth touch
Of a baby's skin
Love resembles you and your home
Oh chrysanthemum

Ø Ms. Kehn has told me a lot about you- it's like I know already.
Ø I think Africa is the best continent in the world. I think you are also brave to get up every morning. I am jealous. You are all smart and you are so lucky. You should be proud you have an education.
Ø Sincerely, Mohammed Awad….your very proud brother in Brooklyn

Ø I think your land is beautiful.
Ø You are a star….Africa all day.
Ø Writing this letter made me smile with every word I wrote down.
Ø I want to go- I want to go to Kenya and see you guys and I will bring my football down there and show you how to play.
Ø If you are sad just remember you are a star and extremely brave.
Ø Ms. Kehn asked us a questions today and it was "what makes you smile?" and I said, "The joy of other people." So to make me happy…you must be happy.
Ø I want to learn more of your beautiful personality. I feel better knowing that you are going to get this letter.
Ø I think you guys are brave. I wish to be like you one day.

I wrote you this poem-
Around the other place
The sun sets on the native land
I watch on the grassy hills, my love.
In the skies of my heart
The sun cries "My Love" as it
Starts to dissolve
Live your life to its fullest
Live, love, laugh your
Heart away.

Ø I want to travel the world one day and help people in need. I want to become a doctor and help sick people and sick kids.
Ø Nakupenda (I love you). You're the best and I look up to you. I will never forget about you. I have seen pictures of your village and it's very beautiful. You're beautiful in every type of way.
Ø When one of you reads this you will already know me because Hannah picked me and another boy to hang out with you all.
Ø It would be a pleasure to spend the summer in Africa with you guys….hopefully I will become a singer and perform in Africa.
Ø What's up man? You don't know me and I don't know you but we're cool. So how is it in the Mother Land? I would love to visit you because that's what I would do. Maybe one day you could teach me Swahili because it's one of the best languages ever!

Ø I love the way you guys are all one big family. I hope you keep this forever…I will always have you in my heart.
Ø Just remember that the race for success never has a finish line and there are many ways in which you can succeed.
Ø I'm not an orphan but I don't know my father and barely see my mother so I know how you feel.
Ø I hope you like my gift (he taped on a dollar to his letter) and I hope you have fun with my friends Darren and Kahlil
Ø You have a bright future ahead of you. You can do anything you put your mind to. You should always be kind to people…enjoy life because you deserve it
Ø Think as if you are dancing.
Ø Even though I'm living out here in Brooklyn, it's not always easy. I am 12 years old and I live in Bedstuy.